Surrogacy Success Story: Jenn & Brad
Jenn is doing amazing things for the infertility community.
She is founder of the Race to Parenthood 5k that gives scholarships to those in need.
Why did you turn to surrogacy?
After 5 years and 2 miscarriages, we were getting ready to start another IUI cycle when doctors discovered that I had a myriad of previously unknown heart issues which would prevent me from safely carrying a pregnancy to term. Surrogacy made sense for us and it felt like the best way to complete our family.
How did you find your surrogate?
At the time, I was blogging about our infertility journey and in turn, started blogging about my heart and all of the surgeries and testing that were going on with that. When we found out we’d need a surrogate, I posted about it on my blog which was around early 2014. I had recently started organizing the first Race to Parenthood 5k to help us with funding for our journey. Right before the race, that April 2014, the wife of my husband’s friend offered to be our carrier. She had been following us through the blog and from the occasional update from her husband. Her husband reached out right before the race and we started talking that spring. She had been a carrier before so it felt, at the time, like a perfect fit.
What made surrogacy possible for you?
When we started our search for a surrogate, I really was just putting it out there that we were looking without even knowing if anything would come of it. I had no idea if we’d even get a response or if our journey would be uncompensated or compensated. Having a friend offer to do it uncompensated, was what got the ball really rolling because we didn’t want to lose the opportunity. We had planned on starting in 2015 but their timeline was shorter so we moved everything up. At the time we really had no idea how we’d afford it, my husband’s company would only let him take a small amount out against his retirement and the interest rate for taking a loan out from a bank was too high. In the end my Mom offered to give us the loan and that mixed with the money we raised from The Race to Parenthood helped make it affordable. While we are still paying our loan back to my Mom and I would love that extra $500 a month, I don’t regret the cost at all!
What was your outcome?
We were very lucky and became pregnant on the first cycle! Our daughter was born July 4, 2015.
When you first thought of surrogacy or considered it, did you think you could afford it? And, did you think it was possible without an agency?
When we first heard of the surrogacy process, long before we even thought we would need it, we did not think we could afford it. It was our future carrier who first introduced the process to us. We used her as our realtor to purchase a new home, at the time she was pregnant with her second child. Right after the closing and after she had her daughter, we came over for dinner and she told us that she was considering becoming a surrogate. We couldn’t believe how much the compensation was and it seemed like it was a completely untouchable process for us. She was going through an agency so I had no idea that an independent journey was even available. The second time I heard about the surrogacy process was right after my second miscarriage. I found Whitney Anderson’s post about recurrent miscarriage. From that first post, I started following Whitney’s search for a surrogate and around the same time, two of my friends who had experienced a failed adoption had also begun to look for a carrier. Being able to follow the process more directly from someone experiencing it, helped us see that it was a potential and possible path.
How much did you pay in total for your whole surrogacy process?
In total, we spent about $42,000. Below is a breakdown, there might be things I’m forgetting!
Shared Success Plan w/ ICSI – $22,500
Meds for both GC & Myself – $5,000
Contracts for both GC & Myself – $3,000 ($200 discount for altruistic surrogacy)
Required Will & Trust – $1,500
Birth Certificate Amendment – $1,575
Lawyer Fees (had breech of contract issues) – $800
Maternity Clothing Purchases – $500
Payment to GC – $2,500
Hospital Fees (Prenatal, Birth, Delivery, Room) – $4,000
Miscellaneous Items (Threw Party for GC, Flowers, Gifts) – $1,000
If willing to share, what was the compensation to your surrogate?
$2,500 – While ours was an uncompensated journey, unfortunately issues arose during the pregnancy and in turn, we paid our carrier to help smooth over problems. The compensation was requested by our GC for babysitting and birth photography (we have never seen the birth photos).
Did your GC have insurance that did not exclude surrogacy? If not, how did you handle?
Yes, her insurance policy covered her medically in the instance of surrogacy.
Do you have any financial tips to share to make it more affordable?
Started saving right away! We used to write checks to our fertility clinic to begin a credit on our account. If you can take out a loan against your retirement or have a very generous parent who can do so and allow you to pay it back, the interest would be better than a bank loan. Consider fundraising – not a GoFund Me page, be creative. Come up with ways to raise money while giving people something in return. A garage sale, bake sale, t-shirt sale, party – something where friends and family can be present and feel like they are a part of your efforts personally, not just by writing a check. You’ll get a lot more support by including people in your journey!
What do you think is the most common surrogacy misconception?
That the baby is genetically related to the surrogate and that women who use surrogacy don’t want to be pregnant.
What would you say to someone who has been told surrogacy is their only or last option and they are feeling like it is so impossible at the moment?
Where there is a will – there is ALWAYS a way! Think of the cost in smaller amounts, we didn’t pay the entire thing at once because each costs comes up individually. If you can see the goal and keep that in your mind, then each roadblock is a step to the bigger goal. Once your baby arrives, the money, the emotional toll, the experience disappears. You will not care that you didn’t carry your baby – that does not change anything. Just take it one day at a time 🙂
Anything else you would like to say?
If you are using a carrier who has been a GC before, ask to speak to her previous IPs. I wish we had done that with ours and had we, we would have learned so much from that conversation. The person who becomes your carrier may not be the same person when she’s pregnant with your child. Her previous IPs can give you insight into any issues that may have come up during their journey alerting you to red flags. Speaking of red flags – when you finally find a carrier, it can become difficult to allow yourself to see any potential for problems. You are in a situation where you are very vulnerable, being aware that this new relationship must be cared for delicately or you will lose your chance at becoming a parent. You are excited and grateful for this person and don’t want to rock the boat, but this also puts you more in the position to gloss over what may later prove to be huge problems. Go into this experience with eyes wide open.