Surrogacy Success Story: Whitney & Erick
Here are my answers to the same questions that I asked other intended parents.
Why did you turn to surrogacy?
We turned to surrogacy because we had been trying for many, many years, had done IVF six times, and had miscarried five times. We had so much testing done that ruled out other things and made it clear that my body was the problem.
How did you find your surrogate?
It wasn’t easy. It took us about a year and half to find her. During that time, we found other potential surrogates that all fell through for one reason or another. Most fell through during early discussions, but one dropped out the day before she was to begin meds. It broke our hearts and I felt totally hopeless at that point. About 6 months after that, our surrogate was searching online for information about surrogacy in Virginia and she found an article I wrote about it on my blog. She contacted me via Facebook and offered to carry for us.
What made surrogacy possible for you?
Faith. Hope. Luck. Besides that, really just not giving up. We were not in control. It wasn’t like with IVF where we could say, ok, let’s try again. We could not make surrogacy happen. I could not just make a woman materialize. We had to wait and be patient to find someone that was right for us and a situation that fit our budget. We had several that were not right for us or did not fit our budget. It was heartbreaking to have someone interested and willing to help, yet it still didn’t work.
What was your outcome? Were you ultimately successful?
Yes, we had twins on our first cycle with our gestational carrier. I still can’t believe it when I really think about it.
When you first thought of surrogacy or considered it, did you think you could afford it? And, did you think it was possible without an agency?
NO! When our doctor first uttered the word surrogacy, I thought to myself, “That’s it. We’re done. We’re out. It is not possible for me to carry a baby to term and surrogacy is too expensive. This is over.” I didn’t grasp the fact in the beginning there is any such thing as not using an agency with surrogacy. At some point, I did some initial research and was shell-shocked at the costs of $100,000 plus!
How much did you pay in total for your whole surrogacy process?
$21,000 (basics) or $27,000 (with optional extras)
$21,000 was the base cost to make it happen. However, we paid $27,000 total because we chose to do CGH embryo testing, which also required ICSI. So, all of that was an additional $6000. We knew this was our last shot so we wanted to do everything possible to make it a success. I really struggled with whether we should pay the extra 6k, but based on our testing results, I am so glad I did.
What was the compensation to your surrogate?
$8,000
Did your GC have insurance that did not exclude surrogacy?
Yes, we were very fortunate that she had great insurance that did not exclude surrogacy. It covered everything.
Do you have any financial tips to share to make it more affordable?
Be patient. Even though you find a surrogate that seems like a great carrier, she may want $30,000 and you can’t afford it. Keep looking. Keep putting your story out there. Keep waiting. We were the very first couple at our clinic to have used our IVF Success program for surrogacy. We asked (begged) and it took some time because they had to consult their attorney and re-do some paperwork, but they agreed and now it’s in place for others. We got to use our program that we had already paid for by paying an extra fee of $2350. Be creative and persistent. Also, check out my How to Afford IVF/Surrogacy/Adoption post on my personal blog.
And, finally, don’t think of it as one huge lump sum – $20k, $40k – whatever. Some of that is paid out initially, but sometimes compensation can be paid as you go to the surrogate, so you don’t have to come up with such a large sum. So, say you pay $10k to surrogate, that could be $1100 per month (over the 9 months) which sounds like a lot, but is it remotely possible? Can you sell a car and make do with one for a while? Can you cancel TV/internet? Cut back on everything.
What do you think is the most common surrogacy misconception?
That surrogacy always costs $100,000 and up. It was my own misconception in the beginning and one that kept us away from surrogacy for too long.
What would you say to someone who has been told surrogacy is their only or last option and they are feeling like it is so impossible at the moment?
I know, it’s rough. I can’t promise that it will work for you, but I can promise that it is possible. I want you to see the possibility that I could not in the beginning. Don’t let the price tag scare you away — keep trying and stay persistent. Also, my advice is to put yourself out there — I think that’s a must with trying to find your own surrogate. You have to be open and vulnerable, you have to share your story.