Surrogacy Success Story: Sarah & Mark
Sarah is a teacher and an author. Her book “Life after infertility” will be released soon. You can find her at www.sarahrollandini.com.
Why did you turn to surrogacy?
My husband and I were nine years into our infertility journey and had adopted two daughters by the time we turned to surrogacy. We had two very positive adoption experiences, but the wait between bringing our girls home and them legally being ours was positively nerve-wracking. So, when we decided to have a third child, surrogacy was on the table as an option mainly because a friend had offered to carry a baby for us and because we could bypass the scary “Will the birth mother change her mind?” scenario.
How did you find your surrogate?
Johnna, our surrogate, approached me one day. I sang with her at church, but did not know her well. She and her husband were happy with their family of four and Johnna had always had a desire to carry a baby for someone else.
What made surrogacy possible for you?
Having a friend who was not too close (not likely to offer parenting advice after the baby was born!) and not a relative. Also, being able to borrow money on a home equity line of credit.
What was your outcome? Were you ultimately successful?
Our healthy son was born February 16, 2007, all 9 lbs. 5 oz. of him! The nurses in the delivery room were calling him “Bubba” as, with his size, he did not look like a newborn!
When you first thought of surrogacy or considered it, did you think you could afford it? And, did you think it was possible without an agency? If so, what made you change your mind?
Initially, we didn’t know much about the cost of surrogacy, but made an assumption that it was way out of our price range. When Johnna stepped forward, however, we knew we had to look into it.
How much did you pay in total for your whole surrogacy process?
My insurance covered all procedures, ultrasounds, testing, etc. and meds for me, but did not cover the egg retrieval. Likewise, Johnna’s husband’s insurance covered all procedures, ultrasounds, testing, etc., but not meds or embryo transfer. In Michigan, it is illegal to pay for surrogacy, but here was our approximate breakdown:
Meds, egg retrieval, and embryo transfer – $7,000
Lawyer fees for pre-birth order – $5,000
Maternity clothes and Nutrisystem membership for Johnna post-deliver – $500
If willing to share, what was the compensation to your surrogate?
Michigan makes it illegal to compensate a surrogate so I took her out to dinner a lot and tried to treat her with gifts and such.
Do you have any financial tips to share to make it more affordable?
I would make a case to the insurance company, if necessary, as sometimes talking to a sympathetic person will give you the golden ticket to more coverage than most policies initially include. During all of our infertility treatment, the home equity line of credit was a godsend. Interest is usually very low on HELOCs and you can make monthly payments. Very few people have piles of cash sitting around or a rich aunt who will fund their family-building endeavors.
What do you think is the most common surrogacy misconception?
This is an easy one: What if the carrier wants to keep the baby? Someone needs to make a positive movie or write a positive book about surrogacy (mine is pending…:)). All of the bad PR out there in Hollywood and in the news paints most surrogates as psychos. That is simply not the case. Most surrogates are lovely people who have a servant’s heart and the desire to ease another woman’s infertility burden.
What would you say to someone who has been told surrogacy is their only or last option and they are feeling like it is so impossible at the moment?
I say “Go for it!” I had misgivings about it when we first started to consider it. What if we shell out all that money and invest emotionally in a surrogacy arrangement and it doesn’t work? The bottom line is, regardless of outcome, I would have always regretted not trying.
Anything else you would like to say?
You know the old saying, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” That is how one has to approach surrogacy. Looking at all of the steps at once can be overwhelming and might make you throw up your hands and say, “This is impossible! No way!” Just take one baby step after another. Solve each problem as you come to it. Surrogacy is do-able for anyone. Don’t give up!