Surrogacy Success Story: Amanda
Why did you turn to surrogacy?
When I was 19 years old I suffered a stroke due to a blood clotting disorder. At the time of the stroke the doctors decided to put me on blood thinners to prevent future strokes/blood clots. The doctors explained that I would not survive off of the blood thinners and would not survive child birth on them, so it was in my best interest to have my tubes tied. Years later my sister passed away from brain cancer, leaving me as the sole guardian of her then 3-year-old son. When my husband and I met and discussed having children, we had already experienced the trauma caused by my maternal separation in adoption and felt that it would not be fair to our now 5-year-old son to adopt. We then began looking more into fertility treatments and surrogacy.
How did you find your surrogate?
Finding our surrogate was a very complicated process. We first wanted to see if we could find someone that we knew who would be willing to carry for us. We made a post on our personal Facebook page and explained our situation. A long-time family friend reached out and said she would like to carry for us. We got up to her clearance with my doctor, and her husband decided he was not ready. A second family friend agreed and she ended up getting pregnant with her own child. That is when we decided to expand our search. We knew we wanted to be independent, so we began making match posts and posted them on several matching groups. We interviewed over 20 different women, but were struggling to find the right fit for what we were looking for. We received a message from our GC and instantly felt a connection. We agreed on so many difficult topics, and had a very similar outlook on the surrogacy process. We had almost given up hope, and I am so thankful that we kept trying and found our miracle GC.
What made surrogacy possible for you?
Financially, the support of our families has made the difference of moving forward with surrogacy. We were not sure how we would ever be able to afford it, and decided to make a plan and present it to our parents first. After having a detailed meeting, we were able to get their support and move forward. I also have to give a lot of credit to our faith. Believing that there was a plan for us helped us deal with the bad days and keep hope that our time would come.
What was your outcome?
Our GC is currently 30 weeks pregnant with our little girl. We have planned for a home birth once time comes. I am over joyed that she is on the way, and looking forward to meeting our little one.
When you first thought of surrogacy or considered it, did you think you could afford it? And, did you think it was possible without an agency?
When I first thought of surrogacy, I definitely did not think we would be able to afford it. I always thought it was something for celebrities or the very wealthy. I also did not know about independent journeys until joining Facebook groups. I knew that it was something I would want to do, not just for the financial aspect, but also to have more options and control over my journey. I was excited to roll up my sleeves and be as involved as possible.
How much did you pay in total for your whole surrogacy process?
It’s hard to say because with IVF is one figure, and without is another. There were also things that we added to keep our surrogate comfortable that I know most arrangements do not include. Also, the issue of privacy constraints make it difficult to share an exact figure. I can say that our base compensation is about 10k under the standard first surrogate payment, and my surrogate was very conscious of how much she asked for contract figures.
Did your GC have insurance that did not exclude surrogacy? If not, how did you handle?
Our GC’s insurance does not exclude surrogacy. However, with a home birth we will be paying out of pocket for the birth. Her OB care is covered, and blood work was also covered which helped a lot.
Do you have any financial tips to share to make it more affordable?
Be open with your GC about your financial situation. If you have a good relationship, it can help her understand why you are asking for certain figures to be lower than agency norms. Also, finding someone that lives closer helps save money when it comes time for travel.
What do you think is the most common surrogacy misconception?
That it has to go through an agency, and that it has to be a business-centered relationship. I am so thankful for the beautiful friendship I am developing with my GC and our families as well. It is a connection I have never experienced before, but without a lifetime of knowing each other, I feel a trust that would take a lifetime to build.
What would you say to someone who has been told surrogacy is their only or last option and they are feeling like it is so impossible at the moment?
Not to lose hope. That it will be a beautiful experience that few get to go through. You will end up expanding your family with not only your new little one, but potentially your GC and her family as well. Even the bad days play their role in leading you to the journey that is best for you and your family. As hard as it’s been sometimes, I wouldn’t change anything about our experience.
Anything else you would like to say?
As with most things in life, this experience is what you make it. Don’t settle for less because it’s faster, or you’re afraid. Be willing to hold out for the journey you deserve to have. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and it can be everything you dream of and more.