Candace & Chris
Candace is a champion infertility advocate and blogger extraordinaire.
You can find her at www.ourmisconception.com.
Why did you turn to surrogacy?
Multiple failed treatments, which raced the clock for pre-cancerous cells in my uterus that necessitated a hysterectomy. No uterus = no double lines…ever. We had 2 remaining embryos and someone who came forward to carry for us.
How did you find your surrogate?
We had announced on Facebook that we were fundraising to adopt. We also shared our infertility story very publicly on our blog and on national TV multiple times. A younger sister of a good friend of mine who had been a gestational carrier before, saw our social media post and reached out to us. The rest as they say was history!
What made surrogacy possible for you?
Persistence.
What was your outcome?
We now have a very active and amazing 3 year old daughter.
When you first thought of surrogacy or considered it, did you think you could afford it? And, did you think it was possible without an agency?
It never crossed our minds as being an option. It simply was not even a topic at the discussion table. First there was the cost aspect, we had assumed that there was no affordable way to move forward with surrogacy and decided to start fundraising and saving up for adoption. Then an option became clear and present and it opened up our hearts (and minds) to look into it. Once we started diving into the red line costs and crunching numbers we knew come hell or high water we would make it happen. As for looking into an agency, our clinic does not have a surrogacy program so we were lucky in that we already had embryos AND we did not have to pay the agency fees associated with finding a surrogate.
How much did you pay in total for your whole surrogacy process?
Due to our contract, I cannot disclose how much we paid our surrogate BUT the entire thing was $31,000—and really a portion of that was because our GS had really HORRIBLE insurance coverage so the deductible for prenatal care and birth were astronomically high. We also had embryos waiting from previous IVFs.
Did your GC have insurance that did not exclude surrogacy? If not, how did you handle?
We had to pay an additional maternity rider which was $250 a month since this was right before the ACA had taken place.
Do you have any financial tips to share to make it more affordable?
There were many areas of negotiation. I also had ZERO shame in asking everyone under sun for discounts, donated and free samples of prenatals and medications, service fees : Attorney, Psychiatrist for the evaluations our RE. EVERYONE. Our GS also had a ton of friends who had just delivered, as did I, so she asked for gently used maternity clothes which helped lower that cost down significantly. Basically, look at ever line item for costs and see where you can # 1 ask for a discount or #2 if there is a way to be frugal. A compassionate GS will work with you knowing that this is an extreme cost on top of years of past infertility costs incurred.
What do you think is the most common surrogacy misconception?
HA here were a few gems we received (I am actually writing a blog on this very topic!): Did your husband have to have intercourse with your GS. YESS that was an actual question we received. That our GS would have visitation rights. OR that our GS has a biological tie to our daughter. The biggest one that I enjoyed overcoming was that if you are not pregnant you cannot breastfeed. I breastfed our daughter for 6 months after birth.
What would you say to someone who has been told surrogacy is their only or last option and they are feeling like it is so impossible at the moment?
Look into, talked to others, dig deep into the logistics of it all. Don’t toss it off the table until you have seen it on paper. If we hadn’t have given what we thought was impossible the possible once over, I would not have our amazing daughter right now.
Anything else you would like to say?
Fundraising is an option. We fundraised a little over half of what we needed to make it happen. There are many creative ways!