Surrogacy Success Story: Rachel & Danny
Why did you turn to surrogacy?
When I was a teenager I was told that I had uterine didelphys (UD), a uterine anomaly that could impact my fertility. I got pregnant four times and miscarried four times. Later, I found I was misdiagnosed and that instead I had a complete septate uterus (SU) / bicornuate uterus (BU) combination. I had two septum resection surgeries leaving me with a “heart-shaped” bicornuate uterus. Then, we did IVF with PGS twice, both resulting in chemical pregnancies. At this point, we only had two embryos left and I did not want to continue doing the same thing and having the same result. I had come to the conclusion that possibly the surgeries changed something that made it harder, not easier, for us to get pregnant and so we decided to pursue surrogacy.
How did you find your surrogate?
I was planning on finding a surrogate through an agency, but soon after my second failed embryo transfer one of my best friends from high school called me and offered to carry for us. She knew all of our struggles, had three successful pregnancies herself, and wanted to do this for us.
What made surrogacy possible for you?
My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer in 2009, and after a long battle she passed away in March 2015. She always wanted what was best for me of course, and knew how much my husband and I wanted children. Right before she passed away I was able to share with her that our second FET was unfortunately unsuccessful and we had decided to pursue surrogacy. This was something that she wanted us to do years ago (instead of undergoing uterine surgery), but we were not ready for this option yet. She thought that surrogacy was the safest route for our future child and wanted the best possible chance for our baby to be born full-term so she gave us money to follow this journey. Although she passed away before we started the surrogacy process, I know in my heart that she “knows” that we were successful.
What was your outcome? Were you ultimately successful?
Yes. We had our first single FET with our GC in September 2015 and unfortunately she did not get pregnant. The embryo had not done well with the freeze/thaw, so that was possibly the reason for the failed transfer. We had our final single FET with our final embryo in November 2015 and our baby girl was born in 2016 at 40 weeks and 5 days! (She is napping peacefully right now!)
When you first thought of surrogacy or considered it, did you think you could afford it? And, did you think it was possible without an agency?
I thought of surrogacy years ago when I was told that I had a uterine anomaly, but I wasn’t aware of the costs and legal issues at first. After doing research and discovering how much it would cost it was overwhelming and discouraging, but I knew that no matter what it took I would have a child. I have a friend who took out loans and received donations to go through IVF, so I knew that if necessary we could do that as well. As grateful as I was when my friend offered to be our GC, I was very nervous and unsure if that is what I wanted. I was scared that I would having feelings of jealousy and I didn’t want to do anything to risk our friendship. We actually sent in an application to an agency when my husband decided that he felt much more comfortable trusting a good friend to carry our child than a stranger. I knew that my friend would be a great carrier, but I also had faith that if we found a GC through an agency we would become very close and she would be trustworthy. I was referred to a great reproductive lawyer by our RE, and she was incredibly helpful in sharing ever step that we would need to take to have a child through surrogacy. Because of this, I felt comfortable going without an agency.
How much did you pay in total for your whole surrogacy process?
Total = about $36,575
Surrogate’s medical screening – $500
Flight to Florida for medical screening – $300
Surrogate’s Reproductive Therapist Screening – $1000
Our Reproductive Therapist’s Screening – $375
Surrogate’s Reproductive Attorney in PA – $1250
Our Reproductive Attorney in PA – $1800
Our Reproductive Attorney in KS (she moved before delivery) – $1000
Flight to Florida for FET – $300 (twice)
FET – $3,400 (twice)
FET medications – $300 (twice)
Surro Compensation – $13,200
Injectable Medications- $500 (twice)
Embryo Transfer Fee – $500 (twice)
Positive Pregnancy Test – $800
Maternity Clothing Allowance – $500 (but she returned it because she didn’t need more clothes)
Non-accountable payment – $150/month (9 payments)
Medical – about $5000
Also, our GC already had extensive life insurance and so we did not need to purchase a policy for her. We went into the surrogacy process already having had an egg retrieval, PGS of the embryos, and two failed FETs myself. I didn’t include these costs because at the time of these procedures we were not considering surrogacy. But, our egg retrieval and one FET cost about $12,000 plus about $5000 in medication. PGS was $5000 and our second FET cost about $5000.
If willing to share, what was the compensation to your surrogate?
We paid her $13,200 plus a monthly non-accountable of $150. Because our GC was a friend, I asked her what she wanted as compensation and she said “enough to take my family on a vacation to Disney.” I wasn’t sure how much she envisioned that was, so my husband and I came up with an amount that we felt would be enough for her to feel compensated, but lower than we would have paid a surrogate through an agency. I wished she just told me how much she wanted! Thankfully it worked out OK.
Did your GC have insurance that did not exclude surrogacy? If not, how did you handle?
Our GC was able to use her own insurance (sort of). We made an agreement with the insurance company that we could pay out of pocket for all medical expenses up to $5000. Any expenses after that would be covered by her insurance and we would pay copays, etc. Thankfully, we did not reach $5000 anyway.
Do you have any financial tips to share to make it more affordable?
We were able to negotiate with the RE’s office and OBGYN’s on medical costs and lab fees. Also, I called around and price compared before ordering medication. If you are willing to do a lot of research yourself, going without an agency can save thousands! I have been very open about our struggles from the beginning, and because of that, a friend approached us and offered to carry for us. Spread the word as much as possible and someone you know may want to carry for you – you just never know!
What do you think is the most common surrogacy misconception?
The most common misconception that we have encountered from people who do not know much about surrogacy is that they think that our child is not biologically mine. I always try to call our surrogate a gestational carrier because of this misconception, but most people do not know what a GC is and the different ways one can become pregnant through surrogacy.
What would you say to someone who has been told surrogacy is their only or last option and they are feeling like it is so impossible at the moment?
Take it one day at a time! Stay positive and know in your heart that it will happen, it just might take time. It can be a very long and difficult road, but it is worth it in the end!
Anything else you would like to say?
Thank you Whitney for trying to help others going through this!